On Monday (approx one million years ago) I woke up scared and overwhelmed. How will we do this? I took a minute alone before I started the day with the kids, to set an intention (stay connected) so I didn’t have a full system meltdown.
Later that day, a friend saw my post about setting up our little school and lovingly texted a pic of a minion making the universal sign for crazy (as in: you. are. crazy) First off, thank you because I love minions and second off it’s true. I’m that mom.Leaned hard into some schedules/homeschooling/unschooling vibes this week.
Still. I love that viral video of a mom ranting in a language I don’t understand, because those feelings? I understand.
While what we are going through is unprecedented, this is not the first time I have experienced the feeling of the world crashing down. I’m very familiar with the crushing weight on the chest, the feeling of wanting to jump out of my skin, the inability to sleep. This is not the first time in my life I’ve faced economic instability. I am well aquatinted with the special hell of living in a constant state of uncertainty. I have found some things that reliably work for me when life gets dark (and all I can do is turn to face it) and went into emergency response mode for my family.
Still. Last night, I couldn't even pretend to sleep (racing heart, so consumed with worry, I had to get out of bed and put my feet on the cold floor just to feel grounded) and I thought of something I heard in a barre class last year (yes I’m rolling my eyes at that phrase too but here we are).
It’s basically been against my personal religion to exercise, so I looked and felt like a crazy minion trying to get into a crescent lunge. Then the instructor said to me (after making sure I didn’t need an ambulance): Be ok with looking different from everyone else in this room. Do what works for you. Leave the rest.
I learned to practice physically what I’ve been working on spiritually : you know what to do, listen to that voice inside.
When it’s really noisy, get quiet.
When it’s really noisy, get quiet.
It’s ok that HOW we’re doing this doesn’t look the same way. We are still doing it together.
I’m right here with you. Crazy minion in the back trying to plank.